3 Tips for Meeting an Interracial Family

We are an interracial family. My husband is Indian and I am Caucasian. Our kids are biracial. They look way more like my husband than me and the amount of crazy comments I get about them is becoming humorous.

Also frustrating but I try to assume the best in people so I try to look for the humor.Tips for meeting an interracial family

Let’s be real. Seeing me with the kids out can be highly confusing. My kids have dark brown hair. Their eyes are dark brown. And depending on the day (I swear their skin color changes constantly), they can look darker than my Indian husband (but typically at least darker than me).

And you’re curious! You have questions! Are they my kids? Why do they have dark hair? Why is their skin dark? What is happening here?!? Tips for meeting an interracial familyTips for meeting interracial families

Tips for meeting an interracial family

I get it. Sort of. You wouldn’t ask a blonde mom with green eyes who have kids with blonde hair and brown eyes why their kids have different colored eyes than you, would you? Likely not.

But our differences are more in your face so you just can’t help yourself.

“Where do their dark features come from?” you ask.

“Do you tan your baby?” another one asks.

“Are they actually yours?” yet another one asks. “Are you sure they aren’t the brunette girl’s babies?”

These are all questions I get asked. Often. Now I get asked if they’re twins also (what the heck?) so I feel like I need to just wear a sign when I go out.

No, they aren’t twins.

Their dad is Indian.

Yes they’re mine.

We laugh when we go out and see other interracial families and I always wonder what kind of questions they get! Is it just because I’m outgoing and talk to strangers that they feel like they can ask me any question they want? Or does everyone get this?

If you’re someone who wants to questions to biracial kids and their parents out there so here are a few tips.

3 Tips for Meeting an Interracial Family

1. Never ask about their features. Start with a compliment.

Is it any of your business why a little boy looks darker than the mom? Does it matter if a little girl has coarse hair while her mom has fine hair? No.

If someone was to ask you why you had the color skin you did or why your hair had the texture it did, you wouldn’t be super impressed by that, would you? Likely not.

Rather, if someone complimented you on your gorgeous thick mane or how flawless your skin was, you’d be way more likely to engage in conversation with them!

Curious about something? Don’t ask. Compliment first. Maybe they’ll open up, maybe they won’t. But I guarantee you’ll get a lot further if you don’t start out questioning everything rather than complimenting something.

2. Don’t assume anything.

The family may or not be bilingual. The kids may or may not have parents of difference races. They may or may not be adopted. Don’t assume that you know what is happening in a situation. It doesn’t do anyone any good! 🙂

I can’t ask you how many times I’ve been asked where in India Rishi was born. He was born in California, not India.People assume that because he’s Indian, it means he was born in India! Two of my sister’s kids are adopted and people always assume they were both born in Africa. They weren’t.  Don’t assume anything, especially in these types of situatiosn!

3. Don’t question who the parent is.

Maybe you don’t know if the person with them is the nanny or the parent. Unless you truly need to know, don’t ask. (I completely understand school or day care situations when the people in charge need to know who the parent is!)

I was 2 weeks postpartum with Penelope when I brought her to a large event in town. There was a woman at this event who questioned me 3 times if I was Penelope’s mom and thank goodness I wasn’t as crazy as I was with Roy otherwise I would have lost my mind.

That was one of the first times I felt truly offended by comments someone said to me. It’s easier to brush off other comments but it can feel super offensive when your identity as your child’s parent is questioned. Don’t ask.

Tips for meeting an interracial family Tips for meeting an interracial family Tips for meeting an interracial family

{all photos by Bundle Studio}

Just be nice!

I genuinely don’t mind answering questions from well meaning people about our kids. I’ve always loved learning about new cultures (and now sharing 2 cultures with our kids and doing things like annaprashan ceremonies!) and people who aren’t like me so I understand the curiosity!

Hopefully these tips will help out if/when you see an interracial family in your neighborhood, at your school or at the local library. Start with being friendly first before moving on to the personal questions.

We’re all human. We’re all curious. But be kind, have grace and remember to ask questions that you wouldn’t mind being asked yourself!

I’d love for you to share this with your people to help others learn a bit more about interracial families!

Thanks so much for reading and sharing!

With love,

Jen

About Jen

Jen is a mom of 3 who loves frozen cookie dough, plants and a generous pour of creamer in her coffee. Her biggest joy is helping others find joy in their life, style and home through tips, tutorials and encouragement. She also runs 2 additional blogs. Feel free to send Jen a message or join the fun on Instagram!

1 thought on “3 Tips for Meeting an Interracial Family”

  1. Great post! My husband is Ecuadorian (south American) and I’m blond + blue eyed. We have 3 adult kids. My oldest was born with blond hair everyone was shocked – why was she blond when her dad is so dark? What a scandal! My 2 boys are dark hair and brown eyes. I was sometimes assumed to be the nanny on field trips with the boys. They are close in age so everyone thought they were twins too. One thing I did not enjoy was the US Census. We were pick to do the extra long one mostly about race or being Hispanic. What does it matter to them if my kids are Hispanic!

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